12. In the rock - part two

Journeys > 12. In the rock - part two

I’ve known it’s been coming and today was the day. How does any woman react to being totally bald? ‘It’s a positive sign that the chemo is working’ Andy wisely said a few days ago. He was right, but with deep vulnerability still pulling at my soul, preparation was needed.  My conversations with God started as soon as I woke. By lunchtime I was clear. ‘See every lost hair as the end of what has passed and the beginning of what is yet to some’ came the wisdom I’d been calling on. Over the course of a few hours, that perspective shifted my mindset and changed the prospect from something I dreaded, to something I could embrace. Fear was replaced with the invisible presence of my spiritual cheerleader, who brought such a tangible encouragement, vulnerability was replaced with a strident boldness.

Andy was amazing. ‘I love you for who you are, not what your hair looks like’ he assured me, as he shaved off the remains of the few clumps of hair that were left. Enlisting the help of Jacob as principle hand holder and chief executive officer of re assurance, with my head bent low over the bathroom sink, somehow, it was such an intimate family moment of togetherness. Incredibly, we were all in belly laughing good humour as Andy first put the finishing touches to a rather impressive Mohican, before finally taking off the lot. Now all Jacob wants to do is kiss and rub my (rather cold) head!

With every clump of hair that fell from the razor, came the sense of more and more empowerment. The strands in the sink before me represented victory, not fear. Instead of despondency, a newness, a strength and an energy surged through my veins.

Standing to take in this new reflection, instead of seeing illness, humiliation and distress, I saw a glow and a jubilation. Instead of feeling lost and insecure, I felt like a warrior. Within the hour I was attending my usual barre-concept class, feeling lighter and more free than ever. It was wonderful to walk right in, not feeling beholden in any way to my appearance.

God’s faithfulness is overwhelming me. His word says we are made strong through Him in our weakness. Today’s experience is yet another confirmation that every word is true.

‘But He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you [My lovingkindness and My mercy are more than enough—always available—regardless of the situation]; for [My] power is being perfected [and is completed and shows itself most effectively] in [your] weakness.” Therefore, I will all the more gladly boast in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ [may completely enfold me and] may dwell in me. 10 So I am well pleased with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, and with difficulties, for the sake of Christ; for when I am weak [in human strength], then I am strong [truly able, truly powerful, truly drawing from God’s strength].’

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 AMP