10....but the climb is worth it

Journeys > 10....but the climb is worth it

Today something has been brewing. We’ve been at the hospital for a full body CT scan – to check if the cancer has spread into other internal organs or into my bones. The whole experience was very matter-of-fact, quick and uncomplicated. The good news is, further spread beyond the immediate lymph nodes looks unlikely. Straight forward you could say? Just not so! Something spiritually unsettling has been building all day; an emotion usually so alien to me.

Anger.

Raw, untamed pure anger.

This was an all-consuming rage which simply refused to subside.

How dare you, was all I could say directly into the face of the enemy. ‘How dare you take this perfectly fit healthy body and ravage it with this deadly disease?’ In that moment, I could almost hear the enemy laughing out loud; its twisted mocking voice enraging me all-the-more. This is a feeling which occupies a space so un-explored from a personal perspective. To some degree that space needed stepping into; but equally as fast, it needed to be left behind to whither on the vine… So I did what I always do – I talked to God.

“What is going on? Where is this anger coming from? What do You want me to hear?” Usually such questions lead to a rather more peaceful and constructive perspective. On this occasion, something very different happened.

God stood with me in anger, shared my rage and encouraged my fury.

Propelling me to an unknown destination, God was intentionally leading me into something important. What did this new divine conviction want to say?

Reading Philippians, big bold letters jumped off the page - “Paul’s suffering advances the gospel”. With the clarity of crystal, this message perfectly translated to - you use this as an energy to drive your focus – let it propel you towards destiny – for so much good will come from this.

With a divine shift of perspective, the red-mist cleared to become the most beautiful of mountain-top views… it was a climb, but it was worth it.

God didn’t create this cancer, but He is going to use it for a greater good. In this moment, my focus turned from seeing this as a poison, to seeing this as a purpose.

Just knowing this makes the sacrifice worth it. It’s made me realise that this isn’t actually about me. It’s about light and dark - good and bad. And the wonderful thing about the light – even the smallest chink of it brings colour to the darkness.

But whatever former things were gains to me [as I thought then], these things [once regarded as advancements in merit] I have come to consider as loss [absolutely worthless] for the sake of Christ [and the purpose which He has given my life].  But more than that, I count everything as loss compared to the priceless privilege and supreme advantage of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord [and of growing more deeply and thoroughly acquainted with Him—a joy unequaled]. For His sake I have lost everything, and I consider it all garbage, so that I may gain Christ, and may be found in Him [believing and relying on Him]

Philippians 3:7-8 AMP