8. The mystery in the mountain

Journeys > 8. The mystery in the mountain

‘It’s like your bones being scraped from the inside out’, came one persons story, when talking of the side effects of the chemotherapy. Everyone has horror stories and has warned me, often in graphic detail. To be honest, I’ve tried not to listen too much. So far, I am doing pretty good.

Despite everything that’s going on, I can’t help but notice the spring in my step. A big part of this is because I’ve been blessed by so much support from my wonderful family and friends. Seeing their conviction, hearing their prayers and receiving their acts of generosity and kindness have brought me so much strength. Just the other day, a close friend ran a 10K in aid of cancer awareness, with my photo on her back, saying ‘I’m running for Kayte. Please pray’. On another day, a lovely lady at church brought me the most beautiful hand knitted prayer shawl of the most exquisite colours. Just last weekend my sister took another four hundred-mile round trip, (her second in as many weeks), at a moments notice, just to be here. Not to mention the friends and neighbours who have fallen over themselves to offer childcare, night or day to a rather spirited five-year old tornado! I am so humbled and at times, overwhelmed by the compassion we’ve experienced.

On top of all this (and I know it sounds crazy), I am sure my spirit has never felt so alive. How is this possible, when two days ago we were given the most devastating news so far? I’ve thought about it a lot since then and I know this doesn’t come from me - it’s not positive thinking, denial or self-determination. It boils down to this: Just knowing that no matter what I face, through the power of prayer, God has it, is the most freeing place I have ever been. I don’t have to worry about the outcome, anxiously wonder if the chemo is working, or waste any time thinking about all the potential ‘what if’s?’ In fact, I don’t have to control, fix or do anything, because God is over it all and in the words of Jesus Himself, I know ‘it is finished’. Now this is what I call freedom and I surrender. Despite the circumstances, I have never felt so free, so joyful or so alive. Because I have no worries, no fears and no burden.

In this moment, I know God's going to take me to the deepest depths of Him through this. What will He show me? What will I learn? How will He change me through this? I have no idea what He will reveal, but I am almost child-like in my curious expectancy. I don’t want to waste a single revelation. The mountain may be big, but right now I am wondering, how big will the view be from its summit?

‘Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom’

2 Corinthians 3:17 NIV